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Kho-Halili scandal: a lesson in sex ethics

by Kristine Servando, abs-cbnNEWS.com/Newsbreak | 05/29/2009 10:52 PM

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While scrutiny into the scandal between Dr. Hayden Kho and Katrina Halili has focused on sex, drugs, and the videos, a women's rights advocate said that people are losing sight of bigger issues.

"I'm a little worried over how the media is mishandling the issue on sexuality and pornography. The deeper discussion should be how we are looking at sexuality, how we are portraying it, what we are saying about people's sexual rights," said Dr. Sylvia Claudio of the UP-based Center for Women's Studies on ABS-CBN's "Media In Focus."

She said that the issue has prompted many misconceptions about sex, including the idea that sexy stars waive their rights to human dignity. The need to respect intimate aspects of people's lives has also been overlooked.

"There is 'vanilla sex' (conservative sex), and there is kinky sex. And I think we should just talk about adult consent and be sure that if it comes out, we should stay out of it," Claudio said.

On the issue of taping sex acts, however, Claudio said the deeper issue should be getting consent from both parties. Otherwise, this would constitute an offense against women's rights.

"The problem with new technology is that it still tends to go along the lines of old problems. A lot of women are being hurt, in the same way a boyfriend will tape a girlfriend having sex, and using technology to debase somebody. The point is, we should educate ourselves about what are the sexual ethics that are important," she said.

Media frenzy

Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano, meanwhile, lamented the media's penchant for giving blow-by-blow accounts of the sex video scandal. He said the issue may have made "peeping toms out of the public."

Cayetano, who heads the Senate Committee on Public Information and Mass Media, cited recent reports which chose to highlight the emotional outbursts of Halili during the Senate probe as well as an incident when an angry spectator doused Kho with water. These incidents, he said, were given live coverage and were replayed again and again.

"There's a difference between live coverage [and] not live. So in live coverage, the Senate has a bigger role on which issues to raise. With the media, the problem is they focus on what is saleable.  I didn't want them (Kho and Halili) to be invited, but I wanted to invite the institutions involved instead. So if the two personalities [Kho and Halili] were not there, it would not be as lively. But the media should have prudence and handle [the issue] with care," he said.

Butch Dalisay, an award-winning writer and columnist, agreed that extensive media coverage of the event tended to fuddle more than clarify certain issues.

"The media hasn't been discussing these broader issues as it should and hasn't put this episode in proper context. We have a circus around this episode, and what worries me is how it's turned into a frenzy into all kinds of things that no longer have to do with the [basic issue] of the violation of Ms. Halili's rights and the lack of her informed consent [in taping the sex video]," he said.

Deeper issues

Cayetano said that although some media organizations have treated the issue fairly, many have given the affair sensational coverage.

"When you have so much publicity like this, it's like putting gasoline on a fire. I think the media should move on, along with a profile for reform, change, and mature discussion of all these issues. They should focus on substantial issues," he said.

Cayetano said the Senate should not focus on the sordid details of Kho's affair with Halili, but on the role of investigators in making culprits accountable.

"We should not pry into what happened between Hayden and Katrina. Why do we have to include it in political investigations? [Some] Senators were starstruck, so rather than asking the right questions, you're just satisfying curiosity," he said.

"I wanted a strong message from the police and wanted them to go after these guys who put the sex videos on the internet. The police should show that they're above celebrities and they can show who really released the videos," he added.

He also reminded his peers that there are other women who were featured in sex videos, all of whom could suffer trauma, extortion, or ruined reputations.

Claudio also said that the Senate should consider crafting a law which would address the rights of women (or men) who are victims of sex scandals, without resorting to censorship of all erotic material, like art films or erotic literature. "We should be very careful that people's rights are maintained," she said.

as of 05/29/2009 11:01 PM

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Hayden Kho

The Gravest Irony of Faith and The Meaning of Compassion

Some 2000 years ago, Jesus of Nazareth did not just teach his followers, but invited all people from the sinners to the sick and even to non-believers. What Jesus taught was the meaning of compassion with his deeds. Compassion or compassium in Latin meant to suffer with. By showing his unconditional love to people beyond their differences, he stayed with people and he suffered with them for their suffering was his suffering, and to love them he also suffered. Even till this day, the figure of Jesus still stands firmly in the hearts of the people, but unfortunately many people seem to have forgotten the teachings of Jesus: to love people as people by sharing their suffering as your own is same as showing your love to them and to Jesus.

The gravest irony of the believers is that they almost always treat the outcasts with unforgiving coldness. If you do not want to believe me, allow yourself to see the history of torture in Europe, and ask yourself how many of them were used by quoting the name of God and how many countless number of people lost their lives to those who quoted the name of God. While we no longer live in the medieval ages, the minds of the torturers are still alive and well to this day. I hope I am wrong with this, but it seems to me that that is just my hopeless wishful thinking.

There was a woman who took the teaching of Jesus not only to her heart, but to her deeds; and her name was Mother Theresa. When Mother Theresa went to India to help the ill and the poor, no one accepted her, and misguided by their ignorance, they resorted to violence. She did not run away, but faced them with courage, humility and everlasting love towards others even to the ones who were violent towards her. She was always with people and she suffered with them for their suffering was her suffering; and she loved them unconditionally. It was her undaunted heart filled with love towards others that won the hearts of millions of people throughout the world breaking down social barriers that existed among them and uniting people from different backgrounds into one love. She taught, "Love Until It Hurts." Even in the face of fear, violence and misunderstanding, she never hesitated from pouring everlasting love to people: and that was exactly what Jesus did some 2000 years ago, and that was exactly his teaching too: "love until it hurts."

Think of Dr. Hayden Kho: the person I mentioned in my previous writing. The entire nation is all up in arms against him from every house to the government. I could not even begin to comprehend the kind of agony, suffering and sense of vast isolation he must be going through right now. In my eyes, he has suffered unjustifiably more than his misdeeds could ever justify. Yet, as if to further torment him, many of us laugh at him for our joy in gossips and throw the meanest words at him to denigrate him and cheapen his life. Would it be an overstatement if I said that if we lived in medieval ages, we would drag him all around the country in a cage and finally burn him to death?

Outraged by misdeeds, people respond with anger, but that in return will produce nothing but another anger, suffering and fear for which only another anger, suffering and fear would proceed; and that then divide and sander people even further and perhaps for all eternity. This is the darkest part of the human psyche; tearing people's heart and tearing people's life to which people respond with devilish laughter. I do not know what biblical hell is, but I know this is a human hell that we bring upon ourselves. Unfortunately people always manage to do that bringing human hell upon others: and many believers in the Philippines are perhaps quite guilty of that.

When I think of the people, not only the Philippines, but also many other parts of the world, I always wonder why people cast away others with anger by bestowing agony and suffering upon them instead of showing even a tiniest bit of compassion, love and mercy. I suppose I should answer that question myself. We all have our weakness; and we try to defend ourselves before anyone else. When there is an outcast, we are not strong enough to overcome our outrage and allow our outrage to take its own course of action as torment brought upon that outcast, and we even justify it. This is not compassion, this is not love and this certainly is not what Jesus was teaching, is it?

There are so many others whose name I cannot mention anymore, but Dr. Hayden Kho is just one of so many. Granted that his misdeeds are not to be commended, but why so many of you who so dearly love Jesus and believe in Words of God, yet easily forget His teachings and His words; and proceed to bring agony, suffering and coldness upon others instead of taking His love and His words to your heart by showing compassion, love and mercy as your deeds? This is the gravest irony of faith in the nation where believers have forgotten the meaning of faith; and this is the hypocrisy the Philippines is guilty of.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," said God. Very often people mistranslate this into two. Golden Rule: If you do good things to me, I do good things to you. Silver Rule: If you do bad things to me, I do bad things to you. Jesus never taught the Silver Rule. While He may not disagree with Golden Rule, that was not exactly his teaching either. The right translation for "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" comes down to; show your love towards others as your kind as you suffer with them; and that is exactly the meaning of compassion and that is exactly the practice of Jesus; and that is unconditional love. If I am wrong, then so be it; but if I am right on this, which I think I am, how I wish that the people of the Philippines would once again realize of the teaching of Jesus and His everlasting love; to love others as your own, and live with them through their suffering by showing compassion towards them so that we call can be kind to one another; and love one another unconditionally.

Submitted by mhirama on Tue, 06/02/2009 - 21:28.

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Please be guided. Thank you very much!

Submitted by kristine_servando on Mon, 06/01/2009 - 17:45.


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